Grace Series: R is for Relationship

Pastor Burcham's Sermon

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Grace, mercy, and peace to you from God our Father and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

This past week, I spent four days up in northern Michigan . I had to travel up there to finally close my father's estate, who passed away last summer, and it was kind of a good feeling to bring some closure to all of that. And I thought, “Well, if I have to go all the way up to northern Michigan , I might as well make the best of the situation.” There are several projects I've been working on, and I really wanted some quiet time, some undisturbed time when I could really focus in on that.

You see, most of my life is dealt with chaos going around me. In my house, I have everything from a 6-year-old to a 16-year-old and a wife to boot and there's always noise. There are always activities. There are soccer games. There are cross country meets. There is this and that project. Everything's going on. When I come into the office, well, it's not much better because the telephone is ringing. E-mails are coming in. Faxes are happening. Staff are stopping by my door. Members are stopping by my door. It's just always a plethora of activity, and I like that. But it's really hard to have some focused quiet time. So I thought to myself, “Now wouldn't this be nice? Wouldn't it be nice to just sit up in northern Michigan in the woods?” What used to be my father's house is still there and so I thought, “I'll just spend some quality time.”

So I arrived on Monday, and it was raining. I didn't care. I was going to be inside. I was just going to be doing my focus work. Tuesday came. No telephones. There's not even cell coverage at the house. Nothing. No TV. No fax machines. No e-mail. Nothing. Blissful quiet. I got an incredible amount done on Tuesday. Isn't it wonderful to be in the quiet? Wednesday, I got up. It's still raining outside, I see. Sure is quiet around here. I haven't even seen a person pass by on the road because it's raining outside. But it's good. It's good. I like it. The quiet's awful nice. Thursday. Doesn't anybody say anything in northern Michigan ? Where is everybody? It's so quiet. It's deafening. So I go into town for a little bit. That's a 30 minute drive. But, you know what? I don't know anybody in town. So I go to a restaurant for dinner. The server's too busy to talk to me. There's no one to talk to. The most I can do is call home and, you know what, my wife's busy with three kids around the house. She doesn't have a lot of time to talk to me. I found out, after about two and a half days, I had enough of the silence. I had enough of no contact with any other human being, because that's just not how I'm made. I need interaction with other people. In fact, God says all of us do. Some of us need more than others. Some of us are more social than others, but God created us as social beings. God created us to be in relationships with one another. Go all the way back to the beginning of time. God creates the heavens and the earth and everything that is in them. And then God creates Adam. And then He looks at Adam and He says, “This isn't right.” So He brings all the animals to the earth and Adam has to name all the animals. Now that's a daunting task, isn't it? Naming all the animals. Is it any wonder we have names like platypus? You have to run out of things after awhile. But, anyways, he names all of the animals. And then here's what God says. God says, “But no suitable helper was found for Adam.” And then scripture says, “It's not right for man to be alone.”

It's not right for man to be alone. It's not how God created us. He created us to be in relationships with other people. They have interaction with other human beings, not to live in a vacuum or to live by ourselves secluded from everyone else. So He creates Eve and then they have a family and the population explodes, because we're meant to live with other people. We're meant to have those relationships to know we're appreciated, to know we're needed, to know we're wanted, to know we belong. We need that as human beings. It's at the core of who we are and who we were created to be.

It's for that reason then the second statement in the vision of our congregation is we will be relationship-centered. Gloria Dei is going to be a place where those relationships can happen, where lifelong friendships can be built, where ties can be made to fellow believers and these bonds can be made with one another. Gloria Dei would be a place where people know they belong here, they're needed here, they're appreciated here, they have a place, and they have a spiritual hope. Gloria Dei will be a place that is relationship-centered.

So as we venture forth into the second week of looking at the vision for our congregation where we believe God is calling us to, what He's calling us to become, we keep in mind we're not there yet but we're working towards it. We're striving towards it. That is, we have this vision in our mind that this is what an ideal congregation for us would look like. And a part of that is a congregation that has at its core the value of relationships. And if that's true, then there's some implication. Then it's the vision of a church that affirms the importance of relationships, affirms the importance of relationships between human beings. In other words, church is more than just a place to receive religious knowledge and spiritual truth. As important as that is, in fact, that's foundational. That's what we spent all of last week on. Last week was on the growing statement, that we're going to grow in our spiritual life. We're going to grow in our relationship with God. We're going to grow in our faith and commitment to Christ. That's at the foundation. That has to be the core in the center of our congregation. But we're saying there's more to that. There's more to a congregation than just religious learning and spiritual truth. God has made us a whole human being. He's made us an intellectual, emotional, spiritual being and, therefore, we have needs and we have relational needs.

You look at scripture, and we have time and time again one relationship talked about after another relationship. Even in the gospel lesson for this morning. The reason that was chosen is because you notice Jesus has the 12 but, even of the 12, He has His closest friends. He has a close relationship with Peter. And you can almost tell when He goes back and Peter's asleep because he's the one He identifies, He says, “Peter, even you couldn't stay awake. Peter, you're my close friend and you couldn't be there.” See, as a human being, Jesus needed relationships with people. He needed friendships. And so do we.

So it's the vision of a congregation that affirms that, recognizes that. And what scripture attests to, even modern science, modern studies confirm it. There was an interesting study that was done by a sociologist named Ray Oldenburg. He's from Florida . And he did a study on North American adults and about our relationships. And he says North American adults organize their life around three places. Now he identified two of them but he said the third one is a little bit more nebulous. It's hard to identify just one third place. He says, “We organize our lives around home.” That is, we organize our lives around our family because we're a husband, we're a wife, we're a son, we're a daughter, we're an aunt or an uncle or a cousin. But around the home, we organize our life around that place in our life.

The second place, for those of us who work outside the home, we organize our life around work. A lot of this has to do with what do we do? What function do we play? What role do we have? What knowledge do we have? What relationship do we have with our co-workers, so we organize our life around that.

And then the most interesting was is what he simply called the third place. There is a third place we as human beings need to organize our life around. He says the third place is important because the third place is a place where we're known for who we are, not for what we do. So not for some function we have. Not for some role we play but simply for who we are as a human being. He says what's essential to a third place is it has to be a place we look forward to getting together with the same group of people on a regular basis in a familiar setting. It's something we can't wait for that to happen again. We anxiously await the time when we can be with this group of people at this certain location again. That's a third place.

So maybe it's the bowling league we go to every week. Maybe it's the country club we belong to and there's a group that gets together and plays cards. Maybe it's the Jaycees. Alright? That's a third place in which we might organize our life around. What I'm saying is what better place for a third place than the congregation? I can't think of a better thing to organize your life around if you have home, if you have work, the third place, in my mind, the ideal third place is that of the congregation.

Think about it. It is the place where we are known for who we are, not what we do. We may have in our midst doctors, lawyers, people who work at Target, people who are in middle management, upper management, people who are unemployed, people who are retired. We're not here for what we do but for who we are. And it's a place we should look forward to coming to and coming together with the people here because we have a common bond with them. Every person sitting in this room has a bond with one another, whether you know each other's names or not. We all have a bond together in Christ. We share a common faith. We share a common commitment.

St. Paul tries to describe it this way. He says, “The body is a unit, although it's made up of many parts. And though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ,” he says, “for we are all baptized by one spirit into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free, and we were all given one spirit to drink.” He's saying all of us are different, vastly different, uniquely made by God but we have one thing in common. We all come together as the body of Christ. Each and every one of us has been convicted we have fallen short of God's glory. We are convicted we are sinful human beings and, left on our own, we know in the darkest part of our being we would be lost but we also know we have a loving God. And we believe this God sent His Son into our world and He lived among us and, although He was sinless, we believe He went to the cross on calvary and He took with it all of our frailties, all of our sinfulness, all of our shortcomings, and He paid the price for that. And we believe, through His blood, we are forgiven. And we believe and are convicted we will be, one day, in heaven with Him for an eternity. That's what we all believe. We have a common faith, a common belief in Jesus as our Lord and Savior. That forms as a bond for us. That means this can be the third place in our lives. This can be a place which we organize our lives around, where we're accepted for who we are, not what we do or what role we play but instead as fellow children of God, as fellow believers. This can be that vital third place. That's a congregation that is relationship-centered. That's a congregation that affirms relationships are important. It's part of how God made us and, therefore, we're going to recognize that and also to be a place where those relationships can develop.

If that's true, then it also is the vision of a congregation, a congregation of communities, a congregation of congregations, if you will, but I like better a congregation of communities. Relationships are built in small groups of people. You don't build meaningful relationships in groups of 50, 100, 200, or 1,000. They're not your closest and dearest friends. We build relationships in smaller groups. In fact, some sociologists have suggested about the most people we can say are our close friends, good friends, or good acquaintances are maybe 45 or 50 people. Some people are more social than that. Maybe they have 60 or 70 people they can say, “Well, this group here are pretty good acquaintances. I know them pretty well on what's going on. And this group here is a better group of friends. I know them more intimately. And these are my very good friends I know a lot of what's going on in their lives. I'm a part of their lives.” At the top, maybe 60 or 70 people. That means, for a congregation that comes together, once you surpass that number, you're not going to know everyone in that congregation. You're not going to know everything that's going on in everyone's life. And those relationships aren't going to be built.

That means you become a congregation of community, a congregation that is broken down into smaller units where those relationships can be fostered, they can be built up. Look at it this way: St. Paul uses the analogy of the body. Let's think of the congregation as a body. He says, “Say that some in the body are the hand.” Now you think if you have a hand, more than likely the hand knows each other pretty well. So the five digits on this hand talk all the time, they communicate. They know what's going on with each other's life. And you know what, this hand can accomplish a lot. There are a lot of things you can do with just one hand. If you happen to be right-handed, you can write. Let's not even go into the list of things you can do with one hand. But what happens when you add a second hand? Now all of a sudden, think of the things you can do. You've not only just doubled what you can accomplish because they're not working independently but, if they work together on something, you can even have more happening. Now it may be true the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing. Cue the laugh track. But it doesn't need to, because they're all part of the body.

Now if you add to that a pair of legs and some feet and some eyes and some ears and a nose so, all of a sudden, this large body of believers, some of which form the hand, some of which form the feet, some of which form the eye, some of which form the ear, each one of them alone can accomplish some great things. Each one of them can build this relationship and have this bond with Christ but, when you put it all together, the whole is much greater than the sum of the various parts. There's more that can be accomplished here. That's the vision of a congregation of communities. It's where we celebrate the fact we're able to have so many different communities in our congregation, so many different places where people can find where they fit in, so many different groups of people gathered around a common interest, a common passion, or a common gift God has given to them. But it's the vision of a congregation of all these different groups, these different cells and circles and small group bible studies and basketball that's happening and people who get together and do stained glass and people who sing in the choir and people who are in the orchestra and people who are in the junior high group and the senior high group. There are people in the XYZ's. There are countless opportunities. It's the vision of a congregation that has hundreds if not thousands of different communities that come together and build those lifelong relationships and friendships but, all the while, they are part of a bigger body. They are part of a larger congregation. They are part of something that can do some significant things in God's kingdom and in our community. It's the vision of a congregation of communities that have come together. That means it's the vision of a congregation that identifies and utilizes the unique gifts of every member, a congregation that gives us the opportunity to identify our unique gifts and then the ability to utilize that gift.

Each and every one of us has been gifted by God in a unique way. St. Paul , again with the analogy of the body, says, “It's no good for the eye to be mad because it's not a foot. It wasn't designed to be a foot. It was designed to be an eye, and it was created that way by God.” Each one of you was created by God, and each one of you is unique in God's sight. And so you have a unique set of gifts, a unique set of talents and skills God has given to you. It's the vision of a congregation where every person has the opportunity to identify that gift and then to utilize that gift. You see, there's nothing worse than a person serving in God's kingdom out of obligation instead of out of passion. And how often do things happen out of obligation? And we do it with the best of intentions, and we do it with the best of hearts. There's an empty spot that needs to be filled. Now we may or may not have the skill or the gifts or the passion for it but, because of our love for God and for the ministry, we jump in and say, “Yeah, I'll do that.” Let's say it's teaching. Maybe you don't like teaching. Maybe you don't have the gift of teaching. You're not going to find it very fulfilling to be teaching other than the fact that, yes, out of the goodness of your heart, you've filled that spot. Now envision with me, okay? Envision with me a congregation where every member identifies what their gift is. That is, what is it I'm good at? What is it I have a passion for? What is it others tell me I'm good at? What is it I enjoy doing? And then a congregation that puts them in a place where they can use the way God has made them, the way God has gifted them. Now, all of a sudden, we're not doing things out of obligation because we should but because we can't wait to, because we have a passion for that. That's the vision of a congregation that identifies and utilizes the unique gifts that every person brings. That's a congregation where every person knows I belong here. I'm needed here. That a congregation that is relationship-centered. That's the vision for our ministry.

It's the vision of a ministry that affirms relationships are a part of who we are. It's the vision of a congregation that sees itself as a congregation of community, all working together towards the same goal, all trying to accomplish the same vision but yet, there are these small communities in which these lifelong friendships and ties are being formed every day. It's the vision of a congregation where the uniqueness of how God created you can be discovered and then you can use that uniqueness in His kingdom. That's the vision of a congregation which is relationship-centered. Amen.

Copyright 2006 Gloria Dei Lutheran Church