Leading an Effective Life-
Self Control

Pastor Burcham ’s Sermon

Sunday, September 16, 2007

In 1970, there was a series of experiments that were done with 4-year-olds in the area of self control. What they did is they got a group of 4-year-olds together and they put them in a large room and in the middle of the room, they put a bell. And they explained to each one of them in depth that if they wanted a marshmallow, all they had to do was go over and ring the bell and someone would come in and bring them a marshmallow. But if they didn’t ring the bell, if they waited for the person to come back in all on their own, they would get two marshmallows. After everything was explained and the researcher left the room, video cameras are rolling to watch these 4-year-olds. Well, they said what happened next was you had this group of kids who were struggling, some of them were squirming, some of them were kicking, some of them were covering their eyes because they didn’t want to look at the bell, just with all of their might trying to maintain self control. Some lasted not even a minute before they rang the bell, they wanted their marshmallow. Some, though, lasted a full 15 minutes waiting for the researcher to come back in and they got their reward of two marshmallows.

Now what’s really interesting about this study is the long-term part of it. They then followed these children throughout life to see what would happen. Well, some interesting things were noted. First of all, those children who exhibited a lot of self control, they waited the whole 15 minutes, on a whole, their SAT scores were much higher than those who exhibited a little bit of self control. Meanwhile, those who exhibited the lowest self control, tended to be bullies in grade school. They got the worst evaluations from their parents and from their teachers. And then following on into life, they didn’t seem to be as successful as the other groups, all of them giving in to substance abuse and addiction. It certainly seems from this research that if you want to have a meaningful life, an effective life, self control is an important component.

Just in August of this year, in the Journal of Neurological Sciences, no I don’t subscribe, there was an article in there. It talked about these German researchers who say that they have now discovered the place on the brain that is responsible for self control. They say this is important because there is an increasing amount of interest in impulse control. And then he went on to say that poor impulse control has been the source of much human misery. Isn’t that interesting? The source of much human misery is poor self control.

You know, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to just look around our society and see that for ourselves. Just look at our society itself. I wouldn’t describe the world in which we live in as a world that has a lot of self control. In fact, I would see the world we live in as being very self indulgent, the world we live in as looking for immediate gratification. We don’t seem to want to deny ourselves anything, even when we know better. I mean, we know the risk of a poor diet and no exercise but that doesn’t stop us from eating whatever we want and avoiding the gym at all costs. We know the fact that a promiscuous lifestyle and all the bad things that can lead to that but yet that doesn’t stop us from having an immoral society. I mean, we’ve gone so far that the laws of the land apply to us only if we like them. But if we don’t agree with them, if they don’t fit in with our lifestyle, then we just simply ignore them and we’re paying the consequences. We’re paying the consequences all over the place, whether it’s from obesity to bankruptcy or from unwed mothers to substance abuse. It certainly is contributing to the misery of the human race because we lack self control.

Well, it should be no surprise to us then that God speaks to us about self control. In fact, in His Word, He mentions self control no less than 17 times in the New Testament, including the passage that we’re walking through as we discover what God has to say to us on how to lead an effective life. That is, if you’re looking for a life which is meaningful, a life that has purpose, a life that is fulfilling at the end of the day, an effective life, then Peter in his second letter, sort of describes that for us. Last week, we laid down the foundation you remember. We said that the foundation of an effective life is faith. Peter said this, “But His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us.” The base of an effective life is faith. In fact, what we said was, “An effective life is one which is lived in response to everything God has done for us.”

A life that is lived in response, everything God has done, what has He done for us? Well, first of all, God has come to our rescue. He sent His only Son, Jesus, into the world to remove the barrier of sin so we could spend an eternity with Him, so we could have a new life. This new life, we couldn’t earn it, we don’t deserve it, God simply gives it to us. And through our faith, which He calls us into, faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, He says our sins are forgiven and that new life, eternal life, has been given to us.

Now in response to that, in response to what God has done, then we want to live for God. We want to know how God wants us to act, what God wants us to do, not because we have to, not because He’s forcing us to but because we want to. We want to live that life of response. So Peter goes on to tell us that, “If you have the base of faith,” he says, “for this very reason make every effort to add to your faith, goodness and to goodness, knowledge and to knowledge, self control.” There’s a progression God’s Word is laying out for us. The base is faith and now we want to put that faith into action. We want to live out that faith so God’s Word says if we’re going to live out that Word, first comes goodness, that is virtue. We want to live a morally excellent life. We want to use God, Jesus Himself, as our model for life and that kind of goodness, that kind of virtuous living, that’s what we’re going to strive for.

Now in order for us to do that, we add to that knowledge. That is, not just the knowledge of what God has done for us but now we dig into God’s Word and say, “God, how is it that you want me to live? What path is it that you’re leading me down? What should I do and what shouldn’t I do?” With that knowledge, we can live a virtuous life but also that knowledge is the first stepping stone to self control. If self control is stopping yourself from doing certain things and then encouraging yourself to do something else, you have to know what it is you’re supposed to do. You have to know what is the right thing to do and what is the wrong thing to do. And God’s Word is very clear on that. God is even black and white in certain areas of this is right and that is wrong. So the stepping stone to self control is this knowledge of scripture, this desire to dig into God’s Word and to learn from Him.

I’ll give you an example. If you want to know self control, one area I think our society needs self control in, I guess I would call it the sexual immorality of our nation right now. There certainly are no morals that are affecting our society that I can see. I mean, consider this, the multibillion dollar industry of pornography on the Internet. It’s the largest share of the Internet and it’s growing daily. If you add to that the fact that having sex outside of marriage is not only commonplace, it’s not only accepted, it is expected. It is part of the dating scene. It is part and parcel of the whole courtship process. So we have gone to the point of our morality, really the bottom has fallen out. Now does God give us a word on that? God is abundantly clear on how we should live our lives. He tells us in 1 Corinthians 6, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits outside of his body but he who sins sexually against his own body, do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you whom you have received from God? You are not your own. You’ve been bought at a price.” God’s Word is abundantly clear on this fact. He says you are to live a sexually pure life, that it is in the confines of a husband and a wife only that is supposed to happen and that there, it is a gift from God. But outside of that, God says, “No, we need to exercise self control in that area,” and God’s Word tells us exactly what we should be doing.

Another example. In our world today, we live the bumper sticker that says, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” It’s not just a cute phrase anymore. It’s something we set as a goal for ourselves as a society. We want to find out how much stuff can we accumulate? Today, in America, we carry a $51 billion credit card debt. The average American carries $9,000 of credit card debt and half the people who have it only pay the minimum payment, which means they’ll never dig out. Why? Because we want more stuff. We think that somehow that will bring meaning to our lives. God’s Word speaks to that. In fact, Jesus Himself says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, for where your treasure is, there is where your heart is also.” God says remember what’s important in your life, what’s really of value to you. It’s not the things in your life. It’s your relationship with God. It’s your relationship with one another. God gives us guidance.

Where is it that we should exercise self control? All the issues of self control we struggle with, they’re there in God’s Word. The starting point for self control then is knowledge, a knowledge of God’s Word of hearing Him. That’s why we emphasize around here Community Groups, small groups so much, to be a part of a small group of believers who come together on a regular basis to study God’s Word, to see what God has to say, not because we have to follow God’s Word but because we want to in response to what God has done for us. So the first step in exercising self control is knowledge, knowledge of God’s Word.

The second step is this: If you want to exercise self control in your life, then you need to stay focused and focus has two elements to it because before you have to focus, you have to stay alert. That is, you have to be on your guard. The moment you drop your guard, you’re going to fall to temptation. The moment you think you’re all set, that nothing is going to affect you, that’s when the devil is going to come in. Did you hear what Peter said in his first letter? He said, “Be self controlled and alert. Why? Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” My friends, we have an enemy. He is real and his mission in eternity is to rob you of your faith. He wants to remove the faith from your heart to ruin the relationship you have with Jesus Christ. He does that in the area of self control, I believe mostly, by telling you lies. Scripture says he’s the father of lies. I guess that makes sense and this is the lie that he wants you to believe: You cannot help yourself. How many times when you have tried to exercise self control, be it whatever it was, whether it was a diet, whether it was exercising, whether it was trying to stop doing something, do something, you said, “I just couldn’t help myself. Anybody put in that situation wouldn’t have been able to resist. I just couldn’t do it.” Well, first of all, do you really want to relinquish that kind of control in your life? I mean, really? I suppose it helps your conscience because you can tell yourself then that you’re not responsible. I mean, after all, if you’ve been removed from the responsibility, you couldn’t help yourself. You couldn’t do anything about it. Then I suppose maybe you don’t feel as guilty about it. The problem is this: It’s a lie. It is a direct lie to say, “I couldn’t help myself.” It’s a direct lie to say I couldn’t resist. It is a lie the devil wants you to hear and he wants you to believe. How can I say that? Well, people of God, this is what God’s Word says to us, “No temptation has ceased you except what is common to man.” And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. That’s God’s promise. When God calls you into faith, when He established a home in your heart, He gave you the power and the ability to resist temptation and He gives you the promise. He says, “There’s no temptation out there that is so strong that you don’t have a choice, that you can’t resist.” Paul, in writing to Timothy, says, “You’ve been given a spirit, Timothy.” He says, “But it’s not a spirit of timidity.” He said, “It is the spirit of power and self discipline.” We have been given the power of God to resist.

We need to stay alert and stop believing the lies of the devil. We have to stay focused. We have to stay focused on other things than what we’re trying to resist. That study that was done back in 1970, an interesting observation they made. Those 4-year-olds who lasted the full 15 minutes before ringing the bell and the people coming over with the marshmallows, they did not stand there resolutely staring at the bell or staring at the door waiting for the person to come back, just this iron willpower about them. No. They went off and played some other place in the room or they read a book or they played with somebody else. They occupied their mind with something else. They took their mind off the very thing they were trying to avoid. If you’re trying to exercise self control, then refocus your mind. Refocus on something other than what you’re trying to resist. God’s Word talks about that. One of my favorite passages from Philippians 4, “Finally, Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.” If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. When you’re trying to exercise self control, it isn’t a matter of this iron willpower. Just change your thought pattern.

I’ll give you an example, if you’re late for an appointment and you’re going down the freeway and you’re trying to exercise some self control and not break the speed limit, I have a suggestion. Pop in a CD of contemporary Christian music or some hymns and listen to that. You want to know how hard it is to break the speed limit as you’re listening to praises to God for all He has done for us, see me after service. I can explain it all to you just how hard it is to do that. My point is if you’re trying to diet, don’t think about how good that piece of cake would taste and the delicious chocolate-ness of the whole thing. Think about something else. If you are trying to control your anger and not display a lot of your emotions, well then don’t keep replaying the argument you just had with the individual, ruminating on all the bad stuff that was said. Focus your mind on something else, of anything that is excellent or praiseworthy. Think about these things. Self discipline is maintained when we stay focused.

Self discipline is maintained when we are proactive, that is when we take some precautions. What I mean by that is let’s avoid the circumstances that we know we’re going to be tempted. Avoid the circumstances where we know we’re going to have to display an incredible amount of self control if we’re going to do what God wants us to do. Did you hear what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 6? He said, “Flee from sexual immorality.” That’s right. It’s okay. Run and hide. Run and hide. Why put yourself into a situation where you’re going to have to display this incredible amount of willpower and self control if it can be avoided? Avoid the circumstances that are going to tempt you in that way.

You know, it sounds simplistic. And you say that’s self evident. And I understand that but yet I wonder why we struggle with it so much. Because if we know that, why do we keep putting ourselves into that same position? I mean, I wonder how many husbands have sat there teary-eyed to explain to their wive why they had an adulterous affair and the best thing they can come up with is, “I don’t know how it happened, Honey.” I got an idea how it happened. You put yourself in a circumstance that you should have never been in. You put yourself into an area where you had to exhibit incredible self control and you fell. If you are having trouble in your relationship, in your marriage right now, the last thing that you need to do is to go to someone of the opposite sex and start crying on their shoulder and look for sympathy and look for understanding because the moment they give that to you, you have just opened up the door to an incredible amount of temptation for you to fall into. Avoid that situation. Why even go there?

I have a household that has four daughters. Two of them now are in the dating age bracket. I have given both of them some advice. I don’t know whether they take it or not but this is my advice. If you’re going to go out on a date, go on a double date. Go out with a group of people. Don’t go out by yourself. Why do that to yourself? Why put yourself in that circumstance? If they’re downstairs in the basement watching movies, I stroll down there and I turn the lights up bright. Just common sense, right? Why have the lights down low. I have a saying in my house. They don’t like it but I like it. The saying is this, “Nothing good happens after midnight.” I believe that. Nothing good happens after midnight so at midnight, call it a day, start again tomorrow at about 10:00 a.m. Why put yourself in a situation?

If you’re a faithful follower and believer in Jesus, there’s no competition here to find out how strong you can be. There are enough circumstances that you can’t avoid that you’re going to be popped into. The ones you can, do so. If you know there’s one certain individual that really torques you off, don’t be around him. If you’re suffering from alcoholism, don’t go into bars. If you’re trying to quit smoking, you don’t go out with your friends on a cigarette break. If every time that you play golf, you get angry, you stop playing golf. I haven’t thrown a club, picked up a club in 16 years because that happens.

God wants you to have a meaningful life. At the end of the day, He wants your life to be fulfilling. In short, He wants you to have an effective life. The basis of that life is the faith that He’s called you into. But a very important characteristic of that faith is self control. Amen.

Copyright 2007 Gloria Dei Lutheran Church