Role of a Father

Pastor Burcham’s Sermon

Sunday, June 21, 2009

[Video Clip. The most amazing man alive. Police often question him just because they find him interesting. He once counted to infinity, twice. His picture is worth a billion words. He is both left-handed and right-handed. It only takes him 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. He can judge a book by its cover. He uses tabasco sauce instead of Visine. He can speak Braille. He once beat up the man who invented boxing. He once overthrew a third world dictator by making a single phone call. His barbecue ribs are so good he was given a Nobel Peace Prize. People come from miles around just to watch his beard grow. He was turned down for the lead in Cool Hand Luke because he was too cool. He never asks for directions because he is never lost. He had to walk to school uphill both ways in the snow barefoot. There is no loofa in his shower; he uses an SOS pad. He has had a full-time job since he was two. He is not afraid of the dark; the dark is afraid of him. His favorite food is steak; sometimes he even cooks it. He won the Pulitzer for a grocery list he scribbled out on a napkin. He once was named Man of the Year on January 8. He does not lift weights; he cannot find any that are heavy enough. He knows what to do with a Klondike bar. He is the most amazing man alive; he is your father. Happy Father’s Day, my friends.]

Now that’s a dad. In fact, those of you who are out there who are fathers or grandfathers and you say, “You know what, that just pretty much describes me to a T,” you are excused for the rest of the morning because you are simply amazing. For the rest of us, though, it’s not so easy. It’s not so easy for us to know what does it mean to be, frankly, what does it mean to be a man today? Because it’s confusing. It’s changed in society in our roles and contradictory messages that we get. What does it mean to be a father and how do we fulfill that role as father? You know, one moment we’re saying, “We need to be strict, but you need to be sensitive.” “You need to be strong, but you’re supposed to be compassionate.”

Well, what is it that we’re supposed to be? How is it that we’re supposed to fulfill this role as Dad? You add to that confusion the fact that not only today do we have dads but now we have stepdads. Now, how does that work and how do you fulfill that role? And then if you add to that, there are a number of families where the dad is missing and so now the grandparents, grandfather has to take the major role as the male in the lives of children. So how does that all work?

There is a lot surrounding this whole idea of being a father, of being the dad in the household. Well, God’s Word opens up a lot for us and tells us the role of fathers and we certainly can’t cover all of that this morning but let’s zero in on the most important role that a dad plays in the family. Then also discover from God’s Word three key ways in which we can fulfill that role. Neither are exhaustive but at least they get us started.

We take our cue from 1 Thessalonians. Now although Paul is speaking about his relationship with the members of the church at Thessalonica, he uses the analogy of a father and his children. So actually, he gives us a snapshot–this is what a Christian father is supposed to be. So listen to it once again, “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God who calls you into the kingdom of glory.” There’s the purpose. That’s our primary role. Urging them to live lives worthy of God. In other words, the most important role that a father can play is to be the spiritual leader in the home, to be the spiritual leader, to be the spiritual rock for his family and to pass that down to his children. And Paul says there are three key ways you can do that from encouraging, comforting and urging them to live lives worthy of God. We’re going to pick apart each one of those words that he chose because they’re packed with meaning.

Encouraging. Encouraging actually means building confidence, doesn’t it? When you encourage someone, you’re building up confidence in them. You’re saying, “You can do it.” You’re telling them they can make it, that they can accomplish it. I want to look at a different translation. The one that we read this morning is from the New International. There is also a bible called The Message which is kind of a little bit of an interpretation along with a translation but this time the guy got it right. Listen to how he puts it, “With each of you, we were like a father with his child, holding your hand, whispering encouragement, showing you step by step how to live well before God who called us into His kingdom into this delightful life.” I really, really like this translation of the passage.

For encouragement, he says holding your hand. I don’t know about you but I get a visual of that and what I get a visual of is a father holding the hand of a young child, so those of you grandparents, maybe you can remember right now if you have younger grandchildren or maybe you can remember back to when your children were still at that young age. My two younger ones, they’re still verging
on the edge of rejecting this but they’re still on the edge that when we enter into the parking lot, my hands just automatically go down by my side and usually two little small hands will envelop in them because we’re not going to go out in the parking lot if there are cars going everywhere and so I give them the confidence to go into the parking lot because they have Dad’s hand. That’s encouragement, holding their hand.

I don’t know if any of you remember the 1992 Summer Olympics and Derek Redmond. Derek Redmond was a runner. He trained and trained and trained. He had numerous medical problems that came but he made it into the 1992 Olympics. When it finally got to his race, he started out the race and I don’t think he got maybe a quarter of the way around the track, if that, and his hamstring just snapped. And he crumpled there on the track. The cameras stayed on him for a moment and then they went off to the rest of the race. And then the cameras came back because Derek Redmond got up. He was going to finish the race and so, grimacing in pain, you saw him hobbling around the track but it was obvious, even at that, he wasn’t going to make it all the way. Somehow, his father burst through the crowd and burst through security. Scary thought, obviously, this is pre-911. He goes through security, gets on the track, runs up to his son and takes his hand and the two of them finish the race. That’s encouragement. That’s giving confidence, saying, “Son, you’re going to make it. I’m right here with you. We’re going to run the race together.”

Dads, that’s what we’re supposed to do. We’re supposed to be there as encouragers to instill confidence, to tell our sons and daughters, “You can finish the race.” “You can make it through next semester.” “You’re going to graduate from college.” “You’ll eventually land that job. I’m here with you. I’m going to take your hand. I’m going to give you that confidence. I’m going to give you that encouragement.”

But, Dads, we not only take the hands of our children when they’re trying to accomplish something good but we take their hands when they’re trying to come back from something bad. In fact, I think it’s more important that we take their hands when they’re trying to come back from something bad.

Do you remember the story of the prodigal son? Jesus tells it. It talks about this son who comes to his father and says, “Father, I want my inheritance early.” Dad finally gives in and gives him all the money. He jets off to Vegas. He blows all the money, prostitutes, gambling, steak dinners, fine hotels, you name it, he does it all. Pretty soon, all the money is gone. He’s living in the gutter and then, before you know it, he’s dumpster diving for his meals. One day, he finally wakes up and he says, “That’s it. This is nuts. I’m going to go home. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I’m going to head back home.” He gets back home and Jesus says this, “While the son was still far, far away, the father ran to him and he took his hand and he said, ‘Son, you’re going to come back from this. You’re going to make it.’” He didn’t agree with what his son did, didn’t condone the activity of his son but his son was trying to come back from something bad and so he was there.

Dads, we have to take the hands of our sons and daughters when they’re trying to come back from something bad. When your son or grandson comes home drunk, when your daughter wrecks the car, when they make a life-altering decision, that’s when they need us to take them by the hand. We don’t agree with their behavior. We don’t condone it. In fact, we probably don’t even shield them from the consequences of their actions but we take their hands and say, “You know what, with God, all things are possible and you can come back from this.”

Isn’t that what our Father does with us? Isn’t that what our heavenly Father does for us? He not only takes us by the hand when we’re trying to do something good, He takes us by the hand when we’re trying to come back from something bad. He doesn’t agree with all of our behavior. He doesn’t agree with all of our actions and all of our words but He’s still there. He says, “Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.” Our heavenly Father is always there. As earthly fathers, we need to always be there. That’s what it means to encourage them, to give them confidence, to know that they’ll always have you.

The second thing that dads do, it says we’re supposed to comfort our children. Comfort them, you could translate it hope, give them hope. An actual literal translation of that word is really long but the literal translation means to come close to someone’s side and speak in a friendly manner. Now it’s a wonder why the NIV didn’t put it that way and they just went for comforting. To walk close by someone’s side and speak in a friendly manner. Maybe now you understand why the message puts it, “Whispering encouragement.” Think about that for a moment. Whispering encouragement. If you’re going to whisper to someone, you have to be close to them. You can’t whisper to someone who is across the room. You have to be right next to them. That means, dads, we have to be involved in our kids’ lives. We have to be engaged in what’s happening in their lives. We have to know–what are the struggles they’re going through? What are the decisions they have to make on a daily basis? What are the things that really stress them out? What are the pressures that are bearing down on them because I guarantee you they’re different, far different, from the pressures that you and I felt at that age no matter how young or how old your child may be right now. They’re dealing with a whole new world. If you’re going to whisper words of encouragement, you have to be close enough to them. You have to walk along side of them. You have to be engaged in their life enough that you can be empathetic and you can understand what’s happening.

Is that not what God did for us? God left heaven above and came and dwelled among us. God lived our lives. The writer of the Hebrews says, “Nothing happens in our lives that God won’t understand because God took on flesh and blood, because Jesus lived among us.” He knows what it is to be an infant to an adult and everything in between. God walks beside us and He understands what’s happening in our lives so He can whisper words of encouragement.

Dads, we need to walk beside our children. We don’t have to be their best friend. In fact, I would maintain you shouldn’t be their best friend. But you need to know what’s happening and what’s going on. What are they struggling with? So you can whisper words of encouragement. So when they are really, really stressed out about something and they’re worried and anxious, you can say, “You know, God promises never to give us more than what we can handle. I know that’s hard to believe right now but that’s a promise of God. You can bank on that. It’s really, really tough but you’re going to make it.” Or if they’re really wrestling with a big decision in their life, a life-changing decision, you know what? God gives us guidance and direction in His Word. Whisper those words of encouragement to say God promises us His Holy Spirit to give us discernment to help us make these big decisions. But you have to walk along side of them. You have to be close enough to them so they can hear you whispering those words of encouragement.

The last thing God tells us is we are to urge them to live lives worthy of God. And here’s probably my favorite part of the message when it says, “Showing you step by step how to live well before God.” I like that part the best, showing you step by step how to live well before God. I like it the best because if you’re going to show them step by step, that means you’re walking the walk. You’re not just talking the talk. You’re not saying, “Do as I say but not as I do.” If you’re saying, “You know what, I’m going to show you step by step,” that means you, the dad, are showing them what it means to live the Christian life. You’re showing them what it means to be a Christian father. You’re showing them what it means to be a godly man. You see, Dads, that means you can pass down to your son, “This is how a godly man lives. If you want to know what’s really masculine, if you want to know what’s really manly, being really manly is being a man of God and being a man of faith,” and you can demonstrate that by your life because they will watch you and learn more from what they see than anything that you say.

You know what you can teach your daughters? You can teach your daughters, “When you’re looking for a husband, this is what you’ll look for because this is how a godly man lives. This is the kind of father that you want for your children.” That’s what dads do. Dads show them step by step what it means to live a life worthy of God, to live out the faith that God has called us into.

That doesn’t mean we’re perfect. No, in fact, the most you can teach them is when you mess up. When you yourselves admit your sin and they see you coming to your Father in heaven and confessing that sin or maybe even more powerful, when you sin against them, to come to them and ask for forgiveness, to show them this is how it works that side of heaven. It’s seeking forgiveness and receiving absolution. That’s what godly men do and that’s what it means to be a Christian in this world. You see, showing them step by step how to live well with God, that’s what dads do. That’s what dads do.

The most important role we have as fathers, as grandfathers, uncles, is to be a spiritual leader. To be a spiritual leader and to pass that faith down to our children and grandchildren. We do it by encouraging them, giving them confidence, taking them by the hand, by giving them hope and comfort, walking along side of them so you can whisper words of encouragement and then urging them to live lives worthy of God, that is, showing them step by step how to live well with God.

Dads, if we can do that, then we truly are amazing. Amen.

Copyright 2009 Gloria Dei Lutheran Church