Vision Series - Relationships

January 11, 2004

Rev. Ronald Burcham

Typed from audio transcript

Grace, mercy, and peace to you from God our Father and our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

If you have ever moved, you know how stressful that can be. I mean aside from the fact of having to pack and unpack, aside from the fact maybe of having to sell one home and buy another home. I'm just meaning the move itself. It is stressful for everyone involved.

Whether you're 4 or 40, it's just a stressful situation. All of a sudden, you're surrounded by different sites, different sounds, different people, all that you know to be familiar is now gone. The neighbors have changed. The route you take home from work is now different. You have a different grocery store that you have to shop at. All of a sudden, all of the kids at school are not the same and you don't know them anymore. You have no one to hang out with at recess and things like that. Just the whole upheaval of your life, the change in routine, it just causes all kinds of stress. It's not even all that atypical for a person who's just moved, whether across the country or across town, to say, “Well, we're just not quite settled yet. In fact, it just doesn't quite feel like home, not quite yet.” Now they may love their new home. They may have moved there because of the things that have brought with it, but, right after you first move, there's just something that holds you back. It just doesn't feel right.

All of a sudden, you notice that you're out for dinner on Friday night and after dinner, you say, “You know, what do you say we go by the old place and just see how it's doing?” So you drive the car by the old homestead and you say, “Yeah, it's still doing well. It looks just like it did last week when we drove by.” The kids want to invite their friends from the old school to spend the night. Or better yet, they could go spend the night at their house and feel more comfortable. Maybe when you leave work on Tuesday, all of a sudden, instead of turning left to go to the new house, you turn right like you used to. And maybe you get halfway there or all the way there before you realize you don't live there anymore. Things have changed. It just doesn't feel like home, though. You might not even feel like you belong there.

Still, it changes, though, doesn't it? Pretty soon, some things fall into place. The kids make some friends at school and, all of a sudden, they're calling at night. Things are a little bit better. You start learning your way around the new grocery store and it starts becoming familiar to you. You maybe meet one or two of the neighbors. You find out that you have some things in common with them. And then, all of a sudden, one night you're out for dinner again on Friday. And you think, “When was the last time we drove past the old place?” And you contemplate that for a minute or two, and you say, “Should we do that again tonight?” “No, let's not.” You see, the new place isn't new anymore. It's become home. It's a place where you belong. It's a place where you feel comfortable.

Gloria Dei, in its Vision Statement, wants every person that comes through our doors to feel at home, to feel that they belong here. That's what it means when it says we will be a relationship-centered congregation. It means, from the charter member to the newest visitor, every person who comes through the doors of our congregation can build up a sense of belonging here, can build up to the point where they feel this is their home, this is their spiritual home. It's a bold statement. It's an ambitious vision for us, considering the size of our congregation; but I am convinced, through God's power and His grace, it can be realized, that vision can become a reality so that all people can have a sense of belonging in this place that we call Gloria Dei, that all people can feel this is their home.

Being such a challenging undertaking, though, I think we need to take a few moments this morning and really understand what it means to feel like you belong in a congregation. What does it take so you feel this place we call Gloria Dei is home?

The first thing you'll discover is you know you belong when you have developed friendships. Once you start developing friendships, then you know this is a place in which you belong. When you move to a new neighborhood, you know you belong when, all of a sudden, the kids start inviting neighborhood kids over to the house. All of a sudden, when they get that first birthday party invitation from their new classmates or the first sleep-over they go on, then they have new kids to hang out with, new kids to play with, and now they feel like they belong, they have some friends. It happens for you when, all of a sudden, in the mornings, you start exchanging acquaintances with those people who live next door. Maybe it starts out as just waving; next, it goes to a conversation. Pretty soon, you spend an evening on the deck out back just chatting with the person who lives behind you. And pretty soon, you start feeling like you belong. This is home.

Friendships are at the core of who we are as human beings. Relationships with other human beings. That's how God has created us. That's how He made us. So we would have people, everyone from acquaintances to very close, near and dear friends. We as human beings need that. It was demonstrated so strongly in the Gospel lesson for today. Jesus is Lord. He is God. But He took on humanity, and He became a human being. And as a human being, Jesus needed relationships. He needed friendships. Did Jesus care for the whole world? Certainly. Did Jesus love all the people that He preached to? Definitely. Did He know the 70 that He sent out on a mission? Certainly. But it was the 12 disciples that He called His friends, 12 men that He spent three years in ministry with. And then, in His darkest hour, when He faced His greatest challenge, He brought along His closest friends, Peter, James, John, and asked them to come with Him a little bit further as He prayed about what He was about to do. Jesus, as a human being, understood and demonstrated that we need friendships. We need to have that relationship.

And that's why one of the vital parts of a Christian life, one of the vital parts of a Christian congregation is the friendships and the relationships that we build with one another. If we look at the early church in Acts 2, the believers are coming together and this is how it is described. It says they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. Right up there with bible study, with communion, and with praying to our Father in heaven is fellowship. Developing relationships with fellow believers, developing those friendships are so integral to who we are as a human being. Once you develop the friendships, then you know you belong and a place becomes home. Gloria Dei will feel like home. It will feel like a place where you belong when you have developed friendships. That's why the vision of our congregation is that we will be a place that creates opportunities for those friendships and relationships to be developed. But understand that we, as a corporate body, that we, as a congregation, can only provide the opportunities for those relationships to be developed. You cannot schedule a friendship. You cannot program a relationship. It has to happen between people, and it takes effort on everyone's part. Every single member, every single guest carries with them the responsibility to take advantage of those opportunities so the friendships can be developed.

You see, otherwise, we're like the little girl who comes home after her family had just moved. She announces to her mom, “I hate my new school. The kids there are so mean. Not one of them talked to me all day long.” Her mother is concerned, and she says, “Well, honey, what happened? What did they do when you said hello to them this morning?” “I didn't do that,” she said. “Well, what about at lunchtime when you sat next to them and you ate your lunch? What did they say to you then?” She said, “I sat by myself.” “Well, how about at recess when you sat next to one of them on the swings or on the monkey bars?” “Well, I stayed inside for recess because they're just so mean there. Not one of them talked to me. They just ignored me.”

If you dart into church at the last moment and you slip out before the closing hymn, you can't then complain that no one talked to you. If you never say a word to another person here, you can't say what an unfriendly place it is and that you just don't feel a part of things. All of us must carry the responsibility to step out of our comfort zone, whether we feel at home here or whether that's still happening. All of us carries the responsibility to reach out to a person we don't know and introduce ourselves. We carry the responsibility to step out of our comfort zone and to go ahead and come to the family movie night and meet some other families, to join a ChristCare group and to meet another small group of people, to be involved in a bible study, or one of the women's circles, or any of the other number of opportunities that are out there that you can jump in and start developing those friendships, where those relationships can foster. If you just stand on the sidelines and wait for it to happen, it won't. It won't. If this part of our vision is going to become a reality, it will take the efforts of all of us, every single member, all of us making an effort to develop those friendships, to develop those relationships which are so crucial to us and so crucial to us as a congregation. When you develop friendships, then you know that you belong. You know you belong when you have something in common with someone else, when you have this common link that binds the two of you together.

Maybe it's after moving into the new house, you discover that the guy across the street, my goodness, he shares a love for fishing just like I do. Or maybe the neighbor next door, well, he's a woodworker also. Or maybe the people behind us, their grandkids are the exact same age as our grandkids. When you have something in common, when you have that common link, then all of a sudden, the foundations of a friendship are there, the relationship can be built. This is where we have such a great advantage. This is where we as a congregation have a huge advantage because all of us share something in common regardless of age, regardless of status in life, regardless of occupation, regardless of where we live. All of us have one faith, one Lord, one baptism. We all share a common belief in Jesus as our Lord and Savior. It is the common link that binds us together so that the 65-year-old with three grandkids has something in common with the 16-year-old who is in youth group, that the construction worker and the physician can have a conversation because there's a common thread, because the office worker and the officer and the corporate exec can come together at lunch because we all have a common thread. All of us share a common faith in Christ. That's how God designed it. Speaking through John, He said, “But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with one another and with the blood of Jesus which is shed for us, purifies us from all unrighteousness.” When we have fellowship with God, that automatically gives us fellowship with one another, whether we've never met or whether we've been lifelong friends. It is that bond that brings us together. It is that common need that all of us have for Jesus, the common faith that we have in Jesus, the common hope that we put in Jesus as our Lord and Savior. That's what brings us together. And that's why, as a congregation, Jesus Christ is the center of all that we do. Everything we do as a congregation, it has to have Jesus as the center of it, whether it's a bible study or whether it's fellowship, whether it's a movie night or whether it's a ski trip. Everything from bible study to basketball, from fall cleanup to Faith Alive, it's all centered around Christ and the relationship we have in Him. And that's your common thread with everyone else here. If you believe in Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you know that you belong here, you know that you can call this place home. You know you belong.

When you feel what you do is useful, when you feel what you do is needed, that's when you feel you're at home and you belong. You see, it's when you start volunteering for the concession stand at Little League or you decide to coach the soccer game or you decide to help out with the block sale, all of a sudden, you discover that you're a part of the community you live in, that you're needed, that you have a purpose, and that you play an integral role in what's happening. And then that's when you know that you belong.

Every believer is needed in the body of Christ. St. Paul went to great lengths to try to show the church of Corinth that. You used the analogy of a body, and he says that every part of the body is important. You can't have one without the other. He summarizes by saying, “Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you are a part of it.” Each and every one of you is a part of the body of believers here at Gloria Dei, and each and every part of one of you is needed here at Gloria Dei. You play a vital role in the ministry of our congregation, whether you realize it or not, whether you take advantage of it or not, you play a vital role in the ministry of our congregation. But, unfortunately, this is one area where being a very large congregation works against us. There are so many blessings, but here is one negative. It is the common misconception that, since there are 2,000+ members here, they don't need me. Someone else is already doing it. Someone else will do it. The common misbelief that when an opening comes up for ministry to advance that hundreds of people are lined up at the door waiting to sign up and we turn a dozen or two dozen away because we just don't have a spot for them. Nothing could be further from the truth theologically or practically. Every person sitting in this room, from the youngest to the oldest, is needed by this congregation. Every person who is a member of this congregation is needed by this congregation and has a part to play in the body of believers that we call Gloria Dei. Just take, for example, I don't know of a Sunday where we have a full complement of ushers for our worship services. We cannot do a worship service without ushers. I don't know if you realize that or not. We can't. The bulletins would not get handed out. Offerings would not be taken. Greetings would not be made as you came through the door. We could not do a service without ushers, and yet I can't think of a Sunday when we've had a full complement for all three services of ushers. I can't remember a Sunday where we had a full complement of greeters and people at the Information Desk. There are very few Sundays that I know the AV people have a full complement there. That's just on Sunday morning. It is true that we have hundreds of people who volunteer thousands of hours of time for this ministry to happen in the place called Gloria Dei, but it's also true that there are hundreds of other opportunities where you can get involved, where you can be a part of this congregation and you can see just how needed you are. We carry a responsibility if we want to see the vision become a reality, the responsibility to find out where is it that you fit in, where is it that you're needed, where is it that you can play that vital part in making the vision of our congregation a reality. When that happens, then you feel at home, then you know you belong.

I know it's my prayer, and I know it's the vision of this congregation, that every one of you feel that you belong here, that this is home for you. It is the further vision of our congregation that everyone who comes through those doors, when they step into here, they can feel that they belong, they feel that they're at home here at Gloria Dei. It is an ambitious vision, but it is one that I am convinced God will turn into a reality. In fact, for one member, this section of the vision has become a reality. I've asked Angela if she would share with us a little bit about how this portion of our vision has become a reality for her life and her faith walk here at Gloria Dei. Angela, would you share with us?

“Good morning. My name is Angela Van Pelt, and I am a member of the Women's ChristCare group here at Gloria Dei. And I have been given the opportunity to share with you the relationships that have developed within that ChristCare group. I can remember the day I signed up for the Women's Group like it was yesterday, filled with excitement to be able to join a group of women in which to study God's word and grow in my faith. There was also a feeling of anxiety.

My husband, Andy, and I joined the church shortly before the beginning of the ChristCare groups and, prior to the introduction of the groups, my desire was to get involved with a bible study group. However, being a shy person, it did not make it easy for me to go up and ask someone about how to get involved with a bible study. In addition, being afraid to ask also played a large role in getting involved. Since everything is new to me, being scared of judgment by others for not knowing and becoming a member of such a large congregation was quite overwhelming. You see, my parents divorced when I was in the 4th Grade. Therefore, we did not continue to attend church or a Sunday School after their divorce. Because of not having an opportunity to attend church, there is a lot to still be learned and moments, such as confirmation, that have been lost. Becoming a member of the Lutheran Church about three years ago has been life changing. Sometimes, it is difficult to know who to ask, much less what to ask, when one wants to grow in their faith with the Lord.

So when the sign-up sheets were put out for the ChristCare groups, you can only imagine how eager one such as myself was to sign up. However, being a member of a congregation who has more members than the city in which I was raised, the chances of becoming part of a group were slim and signing up on time was top priority. Through my excitement, I signed up for two groups, the Women's Group and the Couples Group, although my husband was unaware that I signed us up for the Couples Group. But he was willing to try something new. However, through my enthusiasm of signing up, after a few days went by and the adrenaline began to wear off, realization of what I had done came into play. Thinking to myself, “What were you thinking?” I began getting very nervous because everything was new to me, sharing my faith with others, studying God's word, and building relationships with other Christians. I chickened out of the Couples Group and told myself to give the Women's Group a try and attend a few meetings. For me the Women's Group was easier to gain courage to attend and, to this day, I am grateful for my decision. The women in the group are caring and focused on understanding God's word and helping others understand that word. There is not one person who has all the answers, but twelve heads are better than one. Therefore, we learn from one another. It is comforting to meet with friends to share your thoughts and feelings, whether it is a thought of confusion or a feeling of regret. There is no shame to bring up questions from stories from the bible or everyday life situations. Being judged because I misread a name or words in the bible or reading the wrong passage out of the bible altogether, which I have done, is no longer a threat. The group is comforting and supportive, and our relationship over the past year has grown into strong friendships. The foundation of these friendships is coming together to worship God; and, because He is our foundation, the relationship between my sisters of Christ and myself are lifelong. In addition, the relationships built within the group have given us each an opportunity to build relationships outside of our group, whether it may be through meeting each other's husbands or other congregation members through the ChristCare group.

I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to meet other members of the congregation. It is encouraging to walk into the church and see a familiar face who also acknowledges your husband and yourself. Our group has also helped an African refugee family for the past year as our mission. Not only has our group helped the family; but, when we asked for the congregation's help, you were there. Relationships have been built from your help because these family members have come to our services, and one of the young ladies even met some of our youth group during their Sunday bible study. Through this mission, relationships within our church group and outside our church have begun. God works in many ways, and many times we may not know how He has touched our lives with our relationships with others until we look back upon those relationships.

Although I am still the shy person who became a member of this congregation in September of 2002, my faith has grown beyond measure because of the wonderful women within the ChristCare group. My dream has always been to move down south where it is warm and there is no snow, but ask me today if that is still my dream and my answer would be no. This church and its members, for which my husband and I have built relationships, are more rewarding and far exceed what the south could ever offer. God brought our group together, and each of us in our own unique way has touched one another differently. For me, it was building Christian relationships and having friends who wholeheartedly care for me unconditionally and accept me for me. I have been blessed with our friendship and pray that each of you find relationships as special as those within the Women's ChristCare group. Thank you.”

Thank you, Angela. I appreciate that. I know you're a shy person, once again to get up here. Just one more to go. I won't ask you to do that again.

We're looking at the vision on five Sundays, but it's not five visions. It's one. And did you notice what was happening in Angela's life? Through the relationships and friendships she is developing, she mentioned her faith was growing and that faith turned into action as, through her group, she reached out in a mission opportunity. The vision is one vision. It is a bold vision, but it is one that I am convinced, by God's grace and His power, will become a reality. Amen.

Copyright 2003 Gloria Dei Lutheran Church